:: So close yet so far ::

How much do you think you know that someone?

Ever really think deeply into that question? Do you really know that someone well, inside out? Or do you know this someone at all? Sometimes we thought we had this person so well, but slowly came to realise - How much do I not know about you? I was actually sitting down at one of the 24-hrs coffeeshop last night, sipping my tea-si-kosong with my brother 3 years my senior for the 1st time in my 24yrs! That was unbelievable, we actually chatted so much! Unlike many others, my family wasn't close to each other, esp with my dad. My dad is surviving on this yr'05 planet with a mind-set that is still stuck in 1950's - perhaps that's why we don't / can't communicate at all.

"VICEROY,Menthol" - my brother took out one cigarette from the box and lighted it. I never knew he smokes, or am I not being observant enough or that I didn't even think about him at all? It was from our conversation, his way of speech, how he carries himself that got me started thinking - now I truly know how 'close' and bonded we are as siblings. He was himself that night or I finally got to know him. I know he owns a food stall, but only got the address last night, and will be dropping by for free dinner some time =) I am amazed on how guys can drink so many cups of drinks/tea within 2 hours?? Well... at least 1 is enough for me.

My bf once asked me "dear, what exactly do we have in common?" I replied immediately "Yes, of cos we have.." and I paused. Started going through my brain, searching and grouping those common points we have or common things we like, etc. "NO RECORDS FOUND" I panicked - is it so? Next following day, I asked this good friend of mine the same question - "What do you and you bf have in common?" Guess what, she had the same thoughts as me *phew* Come to think about it, all couples definitely have something or at least few things in common... for my case - eventually quick-tempered (as though that can be counted as "common")! It's not all about having something in common but how you're going to make this relationship be bonded as one. Having someone you love by your side, one will tend to share activties/sports/type of food cruisine with each other, it will just come by.

So, just enjoy each day with your loved ones, sharing things you both like together. Trust me - love is about everything.

:: Happy Birthday - my love ::

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

It's my dearest's 26th birthday! Just wanna put a note to mark this day!!

WITH LOTS OF LOVE**

30yrs Membership to go round the world?? Will you want it?

You'll just need to pay USD99 for 7 nights accomodations (excluding air tickets) from any countries you choose from. The range is as wide as 4000+ worldwide states. It ensure you good services, good quality hotels/resorts/suites/villas (we're talking about those with private jacuzzi/pool) - Is this deal too good to be true?? Let me throw you an even better deal! SGD13,000 for 30yrs membership entitles you to a yearly holiday for 4pax, over 4000+ countries & states, suites to choose from, absolutely your call. Interested?? Please do let me know, and I can recommend you to this club!

I can't believe I actually sit in 2+ hours to listen to what the club can offer! OMG! Another clever, well-strategic marketing company out there with their fabulous business gimmicks!Should I use the word "scam"? I believe it would be if I had paid up and joined, but now going to reserve it. We were walking down towards HMV entrance when we noticed there's this young gal approaching us with a stack of "papers" on a hard support. I signalled her with a "no" (I was thinking - not another of this bo-liao questionaire / surveys), spare us. But she make her step towards us still, my bf is kind enough to take the pen from her and starts ticking off the survey. I was peeling off the 2 "lucky dip cards" given, 1 was nothing but the other 1 got the gal and the rest of her PT "colleagues" so excited, which left us in a daze, not knowing what's happening at ALL. Once she resumed back her calmness, she explained to us that we actually won the top prize (only 5 sets) - a FREE 7 nights accomodation stay @ 9 countries to choose from. We were least excited or interested at all (aiya, it's another of those gimmick), but it's the other part of me thinking, what if it's really true, and that Lady Luck finally shines on us?

We'll have to sit through a 80mins presentation before we're entitled to our winning voucher, and that gal will also earn $100 for herself. Well, we got the time, why not. (perhaps to give the "winning" a benefit of doubt) We followed the gal up, looking normally. She looked puzzled and asked "why aren't you two excited, thrilled at all? You both are so lucky to won the rare prize!?" Perhaps, I'll be feeling and asking the same if I were her age. 15yrs old, what can she know? Or how would she know not all things are as simple as how it look to be. We entered into a beautifully renovated reception office, there were other "us" sitting down too. I will give it a 8 / 10 for their exclusive brilliant marketing package way to attract strangers to be convinced. Nevertheless, we started our 80mins "talk" with this small built malay guy. Bet our not-interested facial expression gave us both away, he asked "hi, may I ask what do you both think about this travel club?" I replied without a single thought "Skeptical perhaps." He asked bluntly "about ? and now?"

"Ha, more or less confirmed.." - i replied. He was pissed with what I said, carried on with "maybe you might want to tell me more about what did you confirm??" My bf brushed his knee against me, got his signal (-it's enough) and I said "oh.. nothing" Anyway my bf did time the talk and wanted to leave at the 80mins, but he decided to stay till that guy finish his talk & explanation of the fantastic, too-good-to-be-true membership, when the guy pissed him off. He wanted him to feel the agony, frustration to have wasted 2hrs to have nothing in return. And HE DID! That guy LOST it totally. When we finally got up and left after their last attempt in throwing in a trial package for $2500 - 2 immediate FREE reservations 7 nights accomodation stay for 4pax for a validality of 3 years (i was tempted, too good a deal), he never even smiled nor bid goodbye. What a man...

C'mon, if there's such good deal under the sky, everyone will be grabbing for it! Too good to give it a miss, but come to think about it, no wonder they can have such nice offices, and they own 4 levels in UOB Building @ Orchard !! Unbelievable! Wonder when anyone falls for it? I bet.

Oh and guess what, it's our anniversary! Owe u this :

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, DEAREST =)

Is it the changing world or it's the changing me?

Recently I had a short conversation with my best friend H through msn, was talking about one close friend, X, we knew since sec school. X wanted some financial help and had approached her for help, instead of encouraging H to go all way out to help X, I was actually negative in helping. I can't imagine I was reluctant to help!! Not because I din want to, nor I can't. But I don't want to be helping X in the wrong way anymore!! I'm tired to see that she doesn't even realise what situation she's in now, we can't be always there to help her, how long can we do so? How much can we do? Maybe I sound selfish but it pains to see her having to struggle to make ends meet!! When will she ever wake up? Please wake up soon!!!

Single mothers have my upmost admiration and respect but not this friend of mine! I find her so silly.... to choose to let herself and kids suffer? She's married with 2 kids, no it should be 3 kids (1 is 4 months old in her womb) but she is no different from being single! What has her husband provide her or the family with?? What has the husband done his part in ?? If men are all selfish, high egoistic creatures.. he is one SUPER selfish man! - no doubt about that. Why let her suffer, when you promised to take care of her the entire lifetime? Worst of all, do you think you are doing any good by not giving up the 3rd one? You're and will be the culprit for the their sufferings and unhappy childhoods!

I wanted so much to help X .. but I want her badly to wake up and realise that this isn't going to work out! I decided not to help. Cruel and selfish I may sound, but if she doesn't help herself, no one else can. We had always been there for her since the birth of the 1st one, we never left her to die, never! It's only enough when she ignored our advice to abort the 3rd one. Can't she see how she struggles to have only $100+ or at times none to spare every month end? Can't she see how tired and haggard she has becomes over these years looking after her 2 kids? Can't she feel our pain? Can't she feel we cares alot ? Can't she feel what's the best way out?

I started thinking what made me said those stuffs to H? I asked H : "How long you want to help her?" H replied "But we can't not help her right?" It's so right, but yet are we helping her? Has the changing world changed me or I have changed? But I know one thing for sure is right - The World Will Not Stop Revolving Because of You

Marriage, it's so complex

" Marriage according to law is the union of one man and one woman, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others. Do I understand that you XX and you XX are here of your free will for the purpose of becoming man and wife?

Will you, XX take this woman XX to be your wedded wife, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to her, as long as you both shall live?

Take this ring and put it upon the 3rd finger of his/her left hand and repeat after me: In token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love, with this ring I marry you.

As both of you have given your consent before me to live together in matrimony and have solemnly promised each to the other to do so, I now pronounce you two Husband and Wife. "

To some, you may have read the vows before in front of your husband/wife, JP, family, relatives and friends. I give you my blessings still. But why do some forget about this vows they made the day they had agreed and wanted to live together as one, to have both of them bonded as one? The day you knelt down and proposed, the day you decided, she's the one. The day you chanced upon a nice wedding band and felt it's time, the day you asked her, shall we apply for a flat? The day you bought her a diamond ring and she cried? Was it just That Day? What makes you so sure at that point of time that this is what you want, this is the woman you wish to spend your rest of life with, to look after, care for with your utmost ability? The woman you want to be responsible for? Responsibilities, commitment, faith, love. You may think you have all these the very moment you proposed, but when will these fades off? How long will these last? It shouldn't be shortlived. It's forever, for the entire lifetime.

I have seen and heard too many cases of failed marriage, I asked myself - Why? People change or either one side has given up providing the 4 conditions?? People always say Being together and being married is different. Then I plead for all men to think before they proposed. I am not trying to side women here, but it's so much of concidence those failed marriages of my friends are husbands' letting go of their once-promised vow. "Men can never understand women" I have heard this phrase umpteen times, I can only respond with "Humans are creatures of contradiction, not just women. Men are never easy to be understood either"

My closest friend once told me that she doesn't think she will be married, not that she doesn't want to, but she believes that it will not be a successful one. I used to think that she's just being panaroid due to her past, now I share her point of view. Scared to failed myself or to let people failed my trust of faith? Scared if it really resulted in divorce? Perhaps. My bf proposed to me just after 2 months into the relationship, I was taken aback but excited, there's was no doubts about it. We were different, we were ex-lovers, together for 8mths during poly days. It's kinda ironic huh, having someone popping out that question after 2 months back together, but I have waited for years during my previous relationship only to have myself realising it's not going to work out that I have decided to walk out. It's a mixed feelings if you understand.

I would rather one to leave the marriage early than to stay to keep trying to make it works after countless attempts. What's the point of suffering within yourself? Yes, it's never easy to accept Divorce, but ever thought of if you can just try to take that step out, you are actually advancing yourself to happiness? Early release from stress, sorrows & pain?

:: It's never easy ::

Love really blinds?

:: Love is blind ::

It blinds humans or humans are simply overwhelmed by it ?
I have never believe that anyone can simply be blinded by love or perhaps so much in love, till my frd B recently got attached. Well, I can't say that he's blinded by love, but more to overly obsessed? My bf asked me - why am I always making comments on how B behaves or how madly in love they are? Yep, perhaps it's due to my character, straight forward gal. I say what I thinks, which often gets my bf on his nerves. Ha.

B kinda distance from us ever since he's with this gal, let's name her C, which I always call her by the nickname I gave her. Well, I guess B must be trying not to make the same mistake that causes his last relationship to fall apart, in spending more time with his partner. Met C a couple of times till date, well, people always say "1st impression counts". Well she make it, 1st impression kills her already. A girl 1 yr my senior, who doesn't even try to smile or be friendly towards her bf's friends? Read her friendster's profile, her own descriptions was "a bitch with an attitude" - SO TRUE. If she's going to be one, so be it. Sometimes do wonder, is B for real this time, hopes he know what he really want. 情人眼里出稀丝

I asked myself, was I ever so madly in love before? Or was that supposed to be how one couple should be ? Haha, nah, think I will forgo that kind of madness. Or is it because no one did that to us, we feel sore & envious about it ? Hmmmmm, don't think we will =p If to ask my bf to go Botantic Garden or Zoo, he will definitely look at me and say 无聊, or For what? It's never wrong to love someone that deep, just pray that you doesn't get cut too badly if things doesn't go well. C really annoys me with her attitude real bad, worst than another gf of mine, also name C.. This girl really top my list real fast - Blacklisted List. Should award her something, Best Newcomer?
井水不犯河水 ，will still refrain my stand as long as she don't step on my tail. B, this face is for you.

Expectations, leave it or hold it?

"Expectations can make you or break you. To be happy, find your balance"

Expectations are meant to make you a stronger person with goals to pursue in life, but it always backfires if one doesnt perform the expectations out well. It's found in all areas of life, Family expects you do well in studies, expects you to behave as a well-mannered child always. Work expects you with high performance level, you got to use your initiative & brain ahead of everything, your boss expects you to be his stomach worm, know exactly what he wants/means. Love expects you to give your all without expecting more in return, expects a girlfriend who obliges to anything, expects you to have the same thinking & frequency as him. If you're throwing tantrums, you have an attitude. If he's throwing his, he got his reasons. Friends expects you to be unbiased towards them, expects you to understand their sudden change in behaviour because you known them long enough.

But I must say that Friends expects the least, and thereby one of the reasons, why we always pour out our thoughts to them, find them when we're feeling down. Someone said this "Friends are not going to stay by for life, but your loved ones will be walking down the long road with you for the rest of your life" Yes, it's indeed true, but how can we simply cast aside those times when they are there when you needed someone badly? When you had a heated arugment with your loved ones? When you wanted some advises on which dress looks good on you? When you wanted someone to window-shop with?

Suddenly thought of this conversation, guy E was sharing his reason why he broke off with his gf - "Different frequency" Though I do not know guy E's gf well but I feel it was a lame and open reason. How will you define frequency? No 2 humans are the same, nor do they share the same brainwave, so why can't accept the differences? Yes, the girl is 5yrs his junior, but he should know and pre-empt this "differences in frequency" the day he ask that question. I feel that instead of trying to accept that person for who they are, you're calling it quits, it's simply avoiding.

"He/she is who he/she is, why change them?"

"Humans are creatures of contradiction" ~ not just women

问世间情为何悟？

Confused. Are you the reason? Or is it me myself? Love and being loved, it's just so unjustifiable.
"It's always to be loved than to love someone"
Would you choose to love or hope being loved by someone? Why I say unjustifiable is because, say:

Example A: You love A, but A doesn't put in his efforts in loving you back, how will you feel? Will you continue to love this someone? Will it be fair for only you to continuing loving to get none in returns?

Example B: A loves you more than you loves A. The things & efforts A do is more than what you will do for A, will start loving A and appreciates it?

In love, who doesn't hope to be loved than to love someone? To love someone always mean the extra efforts, commitments, and doing things willingly for that special someone, but it can be tiring. Having to be appreciated kills and subside the tireness, it's becomes WORTHWHILE. But to love someone without being loved back, it deficts the reason why humans need to LOVE.

：：说爱我 ：：

我的眼睛并不向往一片天空 坚此进入爱情是我说的

谁也听不见,这种孤单真可怜

多爱一次,就多陷寂寞你为何还不懂我要的自由

一句话就让你离我远了 别让我以为快乐最后会焚崔

让最孤单的时候,就不会掉眼泪。

说爱我，在我的耳边对我说

我已经站了太久，忘了这种心动

爱太难了解了，我们还看不透

那一些心酸快乐，看多少还很真呢？

说爱我，用你的手心温柔我

就算你不能证明爱我能爱多久

我知道你想躲,我要的并不多

请看天空好吗,最后一分钟。

~ a very nice song with such meaningful lyrics.
~ to all lovers out there.

The 1st step out .....

Never expect that I will blog, haha. Guess life is just so unpredicable, nobody knows what's going to happen the very next moment. Remembered asking my frd, L - "hey you got nothing better to do than blog?" his reply kinda trigger me off to start blogging
"one can pour out unsolved thoughts in writting, why not?"
I feel so empty and troubled deep in me, have been trying so hard to get them out of me, but always failed. Hope blogging will be the cure, or at least lighten my inner self. P asked if I will blog one day and to put as known or anonymous? Anonymous to be. Thoughts and unsolved questions to be kept within this blog, since it's already unsolvable, why spread on? =) This past 1 year, I felt the huge change in myself, in terms of how I view things, the joyous me seems be disappearing subconsciously. I want it back! Very much!