香烟爱上火柴，就注定被伤害。。

不要轻易说爱。。
许下的承诺就是欠下的债。。

老鼠对猫说“我爱你”，猫说“你走开”，老鼠流泪离开。
但是谁也没看见老鼠走后，猫也流了泪。。

其实有一种爱情叫做放弃。。
风筝一辈子只为一根线冒险。

人善变的是脸，男人善变的是心。。
在爱情的世界里没有谁对不起谁，只有谁不懂得珍惜谁。。

遇到了真爱就不要轻易说离开。。
要记得抓紧爱情，而不是抓伤彼此的感情。。

不要忘了。。
真爱难寻。。。。。。

讲了又不听。听了又不懂。懂了又不做。做了又不爽。不爽又不说。

It's been awhile since my last entry huh.. because there is no internet connection in my new house then! Anyway I didn't have the time to do much if there was, too busy clearing, unpacking & doing housework. Haha, heard it right? - HOUSEWORK - yes! From a pampered AMK girl who literally did not have to lift her fingers on most of the housework then to Yishun wife making sure the house is free from dust. Transformation completed. Haha

Things have been going pretty well so far, most of the basic furnishings are in except my TV console. Don't intend to spend too much on that so will be scouting for it slowly, until something within our budget attracts me. Went to those neighbourhood furniture shops but NONE captures my liking!! Haha actually I was pretty much eyeing on Ikea's FRIEL series BUT it's out of stock! Supposed to be in end of October, now delayed 1 month later - I'll wait patiently for it.

Oh ya talking about internet connection, we have signed up for Starhub max-online package which includes unlimited cable connection, digital voice-over (free ALL local outgoing & incoming calls till next year end) , Motorola modem & Linksys wireless router, for only S$55.80/mth! Quite a good deal right?? There's another promotion which throw in free Samsung 2GB mp3 player but excludes wireless router and you'll have to top up additional S$80+ for the voice-over. I am not hard up for any mp3 player for now and I don't find it justificable for the top up, so went ahead with my current one..

So all friends out there, please take note - I'll be using my home phone to call out more often. So please contact me for my house no. Haha =)

Finally!! This is the day I've been waiting for!!

.: Home Sweet Home:.

Congrat & appreciation to darling hubbie & myself =)

12 more days, and I'll be officially a Yishun resident. Haha, gonna leave my AMK house for good this time, wonders if my mum will miss me? Luckily hubby borrowed the car from his friend eventually, if not our weekend will be boring and tedious from travelling, as we have to go to Jln Besar to get our tap which was the 2nd tap we're getting for our MBR toilet simply because my dear contractor lost it. Can you imagine that? It cost me additional S$135 but fortunately the contractor is going to pay for it. Seriously I am still wondering how the tap will be lost.

Hubby wanted to get a new modem so badly as his old one kept disconnecting him from his DOTA gaming! We went scouting for one @ Sim Lim after that, well I'm literally just walking around with them, as the two guys scouts for it - there's really nothing much to shop around there, unless buying IT gadgets. Men always commented "women are never tired from shopping, they can spend hours trying clothes"; - c'mon, it's obviously pot calling the kettle black!! We spent almost 3hrs there just scouting and comparing prices for a modem!! Haha.

iPod Nano's prices dropped tremendously, it's only selling for S$215 for 2GB (of course without it's charger and silicon cover). Hubby wanted to get one for me (think because he really seldom get me presents), but I insisted on not having one even though I like it. These gadgets are not a MUST to me, so I can definitely live without it.

Supposed to heading to dog farmhouse @ Paris Ris with his other friends but there's a change of plan at the very last minute - so disappointing! Was still looking forward to it!! Ah huh, but we went there the next very day =)

Xiong wanted another Shih Tzu to accompany Pepper (shih tze too) and I originally wanted a mini Maltese or teacup Poodle. Tell you guys, get yourself prepared to strong "aromatic" doggy smell!! Hahaha! There's this breed that hubby likes so much, I call it "hush puppy" (don't know what's it's breed) it's simply adorable but we can't keep it in HDB estate, so too bad. Am I really that up-market person (as what hubby always term me) ? My teacup poodle - S$2000 onwards! OMG, it's freaking expensive! Mini maltese - S$700, well still afforable for this. One of the kennel's shop auntie brought out 3 mimi maltese puppies for me to view and they're all adorable!!! $600 for the 1 month old and I can carry off immediately but will have to bring her for a jab end of the month which will at most cost me +$40.

Here's the silly part : At Paris Ris dog farm, they only accept Cash / Cheque mostly, maybe there's one or two accepts NETS, but no one accepts cards! Meaning buyers will have to bring along few thousands cash in their pocket, it's absurd! Hubby drove out to the nearest ATM leaving me behind at the shop, giving me time to consider, but I was already standing empty-handed by the roadside when he returned. Ironically - decided to give it a miss after finally managing to convince hubby to have one dog for companion!

Having one dog now will be adding on to my already piling up commitments, doubt I can handle it. Perhaps it's more wise to settle issue by issue for now.

Sigh ... there goes my puppy.
But my house is coming up & ready!

Coffee and Life

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor.

Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.

Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."

So, don't let the cups drive you....enjoy the coffee instead.

Sometimes, something are just beyond our control.

Counting down 3 weeks to my official shift in to my new house, so much unforeseen incidents starts to surface one by one; how worst can it get? 1st of all, my FILwas having an affair and not surprisely being caught soon after that. What is worst was him having affair with a married woman, OMG! My hubby already suspected something fishy but I think otherwise when he told me about it, simply because I thought how will anyone of their age still resort to affair???

Well, guess men's sixth sense are accurate too huh. Shortly after my hubby's suspicion, FIL's actions totally let him out and he did admit to it. It's a big big drama till date, now that MIL and the 3rd party's family knew about this, things are becoming more ugly and threatened. Hopefully things will be resolved peacefully soon, with no violence involved (keeping my fingers crossed). These few days, hubby had been really vexed and stressed out not only by this issue.. but for a fact that they might be filing for a divorce lead to - "Where will MIL be staying should the divorce proceeds?" This is my biggest headache too!

For the fact that hubby being the only child, guess we really got no other choices left. The more I think about it, the more depressing and saddening I became, for my dreams gonna be shattered.. I know I'm being very selfish here, only to be thinking for ourselves, I should be more than understanding to empathize with MIL esp with what she'd gone through. But I can't help it but to think selfishly, afterall we have waited so long for our dream home. From 7 months till now, 2 1/2 weeks more to go, only to have such circumstances unpredictably. I told hubby very frankly - 'I'm really not prepared for such' . Expected appalling remarks from him, but only to receive some comforting ones. He think likewise too, and can understand how I felt but he really got no other choices no matter how much he yearn in having a life of our own. He had also been waiting for the completion of our house to be finally freed from his mum's consistent naggings, but only to have it backfired at this timing; he's extremely disappointed too.

We both agreed this is one thing we can't do anything about it; there isn't any other options for us. I have try to convince myself to embrace that fact but I just can't seem to overcome it YET. Hopefully I'm at least 60% over that when the time comes.

What's my future gonna be? Where'll I be?
This is the question I had and will be still waiting to be answered.
Perhaps there're many others out there waiting too.

No one in this world can give us an answer to that, let alone ourselves. Ever hoping to forward time to take a peek how our future lives will be? Will I be a working mother, coming home with my kids hugging around me? Typical housewife looking after my kids 24/7, to get ready dinner once my hubby reaches home? Or modern working mother, always on the run, with no quality time spent with my family? I wonders..

I remembered having watched this movie "Click" a month ago, which kinda touches me with it's very unique style of moral teachings. It's a no wonder people often say Adam Sandler's shows are definitely worth the money. All begins with a remote controller he had always wanted to own - universal remote controller (we term it "all-in-one" in layman's term). He went to a mega electronics mall in search for that; chanced upon the one & only universal remote controller that wasn't even launch in the country - explained the storeman.

"You can practically stop/pause/forward/mute to and at any moment or anything"

It's his impatience & selfishness that led him to such miserable, pathetic ending. In life, we can/always tend to get frustrated / irritated by a lot of various factors; no matter how much you dread to face these, sad to say - it's our life. That's part & parcel of life every single soul will/have to be going through. Yes, how we wish we can skip all of the down/unhappy moments/period but proceed on; you'll be missing out far lot more moments than you can think of.. (it's for you to analyze what you'b missing out)

Time & tide waits for no man; you can never turn back time. Once you'd missed it, you can only have regrets.

But always remember - do reflects but don't regret

Marriage

Been married for only 7 months, but oh boyz I can already feel the difference between the two phases (Single / Married). I always thought how different can being married be, how tough can it be to handle in-laws - I'm so so so wrong.

Marriage is between 2 person but once u're lawfully married, you have tons of responsibilities and duties piling on top! You must be thinking, erm ok it's the wife's duty to take care of hubby's everyday's needs, health & meals; what else? Well.. you must to learn to be accomodating, compromising and understanding not only to hubby but also your in-laws (most of the times applicable to mother-in-law). So you're taking into considerations more than 2 person's feelings & needs! There's this phrase - marriage is never just about two person; this is so true!

I must admit I'm not those very mild-tempered, patient, sensible lady... but I've learn to be one, well still learning it everyday because circumstances forces me to, if not all hell will break loose .. long ago! Haha. I am someone who yearns for independence and freedom because I was brought up in such way. My mum has never really interfere in my decisions and actions, perhaps that explains my independency too.. Ah hah, one important factor - she never nags for long. Haha

Initially shifted to stay together with my hubby at his mother's place after he came back from his 4 months sailing to catch up times. At the very beginning, my hubby already asked if I want to shift in while waiting for our new house renovation completion but I didn't agree immediately. Of course I would love to see him everyday esp from his long absence but I knew things ain't gonna easy staying in other people's house. No matter what, it's never your own house and each individuals have different housekeeping and habits.

Moereever I won't want to stir up any unnecessary troubles or unhappiness for that short 2 months. But it did happened. Haha. That's why I'm here writtting all these.

Actually marriage is a very beautiful thing in life (that every living soul should experience) .. but with obstacles/bumps added to make it more meaningful...

A world of possibilities awaits you.
Keep turning the page...

What's your definition of true love?
Does true love really do exists?
Have you found yours?


I have never believe in true love; it's only made possible in movie scripts. I remembered one of my gd friend telling me that there's no such thing as "Everlasting Love" which I truly agrees with him. There's only everlasting commitment & responsibility, because commitment= love+compromising+tolerance. I think as time goes by, it would be :


Together for 1 yr : 80% Love 10% Compromise 10% Tolerance


Together for 3 yrs : 60% Love 25% Compromise 15% Tolerance


Married for 1 yr : 50% Love 25% Compromise 25% Tolerance


Married for 3 yrs : 30% Love 35% Compromise 35% Tolerance


Married for 10yrs: 10% Love 40% Compromise 50% Tolerance


When would you think it's the right time to settle down? How would you define the Right Time??
When both have been together for donkey years? When you thought both understands each other well enough? When your parents start to pressurize you on it? When you feel it's time to move on to a new phrase in life?


Marriage is never about being the right time; it's a decision. It will never be happily ever after, you have to make it works. Alot of times people thinks it's time to move on, building up your own family but when they are in the process itself then they realised it's not easy because all surfaces as you move further. Many would give up after trying hard to make the marriage works. But how hard have you tried? Have you thought of giving up when you signed the marriage certificate?


Happiness will not always be there, so why not make it be there. Decision you made is for life so make it work for life. It's never easy to find someone you can spend the rest of life with, so why not find someone you want to spend your life with. The want might be the motivation push for you.


As I was writting this post, a sudden thought came into my mind - so what made my hubby decided about marriage? Am I the can or the want?


I wonders.....

We were there, were u there?
Never ever thought our next meet up will be the final one..
Never thought it'll be under such circumstances...


I kept looking at your photo, kept asking myself - Why? Why you?
Sorry that I didn't look at you for long, but you know how much I wanted to. I can't. Tears tickled down, and I walked away.



We were all talking about the fun times we had with you @ I2, EQ. Your favourite sentence "What's for lunch?" but now no more of that at all.


No more HANS sandwiches or your english breakfast set..
No more economical bee hoon..
No more Nasi Padang whenever we feel rich at month end..
No more tea sessions..
But I always will have you in my heart


At least I'm glad you've seen my ROM photos even though you didn't manage to attend (you were in HK). I know you're truly happy for me, because all along we both wanted each other to be happy & blessed.


No last chance to say my goodbye.. because I never thought I have to.


Felicia Ho Mei Leng... I know you're blessed in God's hands now.


with greatest love, i signed off

It was about 4 years back when we first met. My very first day @ Infinity2, sitting at my allocated table reading through some relevant introductory brochures of the company with Jacq. You, the finance manager walked in solemnly, didn't even glanced at me nor acknowledged my pressence. I concluded you'll be one hard-ass to get along then.


During the pioneer year, it's only Jac, Alana, Digby, you and me @ Greatwood building, Carpenter St building up the team. It was amazing how we both got along so well gradually, you're one jolly jovious being! Digby was often bullied, ignored by you and Jac, I'll always be the one to entertain him be'cos I'm the new bird, but slowly got influenced & join in the club! =)


When Jac left the company, we two became even closer. Tea-si-kosong is a definite order every morning when you're @ Infinity2, always can't wait to start our gossip session, still remember how many times Digby found us inside the pantry yanking away?? I already lost count!! "It's not gossiping, it's caring" remember ?


Oh boy, when Holly joined, it was so much fun. It feels good to go to work everyday though the shift timing sucks big time, but it was fun having you around. You always dislike being disturbed by distributors when you're in office and often got to cook up good reasons for you. When Gloria & Sebas joined, we knew they're not able to camoflage into our team and we were right. It doesn't take long for everyone to dislike Gloria's working style and Sebas's way of dealing with leaders, esp ME.


You always am there for us, showing me the support we needed. Fighting for our rights and what we ought to deserve.


Do you still remember our chats? Do you still remember our times?


From Infinity2 to EQ, from Carpenter st to Robinson rd, from strangers to close-frd, all these are unforgettable! Many times when I just wanted to end it all, tendered in my resignation, it was because of you, I held back. Silly? Perhaps. But I never once regretted my decision about that. It's only last year when I decided to move on, at least Yvel will be there to help you.


I missed those times. Do you miss it too? Will you remember it?
Will you remember us ?


I will always remember you, Felicia.


You were more than just a colleague, close friend to me. We shared too many things, your departure is just too unexpectedly sudden. Thought we promise to meet up when you're better? Thought you're recovering? Why?
Maybe I should feel more relieved and happy for you instead, at least you're being taken away from your pain.


You often told me that God knows what's best for you, he'll give you the answers. Felicia, this is the answer.


You'll always be remembered.


Rest in peace, my dearest sister.

: 12 July 2006 :

Contradiction / Self-denial


Watched "The Oprah Show" last evening and the topic kinda caught my attention - "Unfaithfulness"
Very interesting...


This caucasian couple were married for coming 7 years+ but.. her husband had been unfaithful to her for the past 5 years. She only came to know the truth 2 months back, when he decided to break the news. She said she was heart-broken at that point of time but amazingly she forgave him because she loves him. Oprah Winfrey asked "what makes you want to forgive him?" She replied "I know him too well. I know it's the excitement she (the mistress) gave that had him on but not the person herself. It's all about sexual, that's all." Oprah was stunned by her reply, and probed further "Aren't you not hurt at all?" "If it's all sexual, I'm ok. If they're emotionally attached, that'll hurts! It's nothing personal, the problem lies in him!"


Oprah exclaimed "U mean it's nothing personal??? I think it's very personal!!"


Oprah asked "Aren't you least aware or sensed something is wrong? Because the affair was carried out for 5yrs?"


She replied "I can tell everyone out there, I never ever doubted my husband or to think that he'll be doing that behind my back 5 years ago. I trusted him. Everything was perfect to me. I cannot even sense a bit wrong with my marriage... "


When Oprah asked him if he felt for his mistress " Erm, yes I do. It's not just about sexual, it does involved emotions in it too. " Oprah : "Do you think you'll have another affair again, base on right timing, right atmosphere?" He paused for awhile and nodded his head " Yes, I think so. I can't guarantee I won't."


WTF !!! I wonder why do humans need to be so frank at times? The truth DO hurts.


She explained "I know I have to be blame too. For the past few years, it's all about work and children to me, I was never involved in his life. All I thought was to give him a better life, that's all. Different people have different hopes & givings. For me, I wanted the best for him. "


Gail Saltz, author of "Becoming Real" shook her heard & told her "You're in such huge denial.. trying to hide all his flaws. You'll only bring yourself to suffer for all I see if that he'll rebounce back."


She explained "Maybe I'm in denial. But I'll not forget the vows we took and will keep on trying to salvage this marriage till the day comes when I've to go down to the lawyer's firm to file for divorce."


WOW! I am stunningly amazed by the nobleness or should it be sillyness of this woman.


True love is about sarcifice; being able to sarcifice up something for the most you loves and treasure most.


Love is never selfish.

Chanced upon this column in NewPaper, decided to post it for all to have a quick laugh :

• Ah Beng was filling up a job application form. He filled up the columns on name, age, address, etc. Then he came to the column on salary expected. After much thought, he wrote: 'Yes'.

• Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems, he decided to use the 'Help' command. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support. He said : 'I press the F1 key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me!'

• After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly showed the finished puzzle to a friend. 'It took me only five months to do it,' Ah Beng bragged.'Five months! That's so long,' his friend exclaimed. Ah Beng shot back: 'You fool. The box says 'For 4 to 7 years'.'

Questions you shouldn't ask

1. Why is that no matter what colour bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
2. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator hoping that something new to eat would have materialized?
3. Why do people keep running over a string with their vacuum cleaner, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give their vacuum cleaner one more chance?
4. How to those bugs get into closed light fixtures?
5. Why is that whenever you try to catch something that's falling off the table, you always manage to knock something else over?
6. When someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart and then apologises, why do we say
   "It's all right?" Its not, so why don't we say, "That hurts, you idiot?"
7. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not, why take a bath?
8. Why do women always ask questiions that have no right answers?
9. Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy for the rest of the year?
10. IF at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?

:: a food for thought :: (",)

The Past & The Present ?


Is it really me that can't seems to be able to get over the past?? Seriously I don't think it's the past that I havent gotten over but the impact my past has left it's mark on. It started off with a very causal discussion between his friends and me, on MLM business. MLM = 3 most sensitive letters one topic can ever cover on. Everyone including HIM started to comment their views on the level of possible opportunity & result MLM can provide. I'm the only one that is negative about it, I have came across various MLM companies during my previous 3 years as customer service cum operation executive cum marketing exec in another MLM company.


I'm not saying that I'm good in analyzing their business & payout plan but I do have the minimium knowledge of such. For my previous company, I know the inside and out of company history and bonus payout for distributors, we have many our ways to protrait 'good image' & excellent top leading distributors to brainwash their team. MLM is not 100% flopping business to do but it's normally 1st 30% goes to company, next 10% of pioneers who will soar; 60% will be those helping the 40%. Every MLM company patent their own unique payout compensation plan, but it's all about the same theory.


I had my fair share of happiness with my then boyfriend, only to have MLM taking it all away slowly. I was totally against him doing MLM, but he wouldn't listen to my advice. Decided to let him have a shot at it, doing it part time. Gradually he became extensively involved, quitted his stable job, 'invested' more money into it. Initially I'm only giving him 1 year to prove results to me, but that 1 year extended to 1 & 1/2, and finally 2 years. There is absolutely negative results to present to anyone including himself but he just wouldn't give up. These 2 years plus had been such straining period for both of us esp for me. Time, needed care & concern, confidence in our r/s, security were lost in that transition period. I know it'll be hard to build all those back already.


Eventually I gave up and walked out. Lost someone to MLM. Sounds ridiculous? Be in my shoes and you might empathize.


This is one thing I DON'T wish my hubby to get involved in. I do not want to ever go through that kind of transition anymore.... no more! It's painful & disappointing. Thus whenever we talked about MLM, I always sounded more aggressive, just wanting to get my point across to him for him to understand. Am I being selfish? How could I let my past get the better side of my present? I know they are two different person and I shouldn't hang on to my shadow but shadows will always be shadows to follow your back. It's only if YOU want to turn your back to see it.


Hopefully hubbie understands. I meant nothing but well for him.


:: For he ( a man ) will still pursue his own dreams ::

Love nest - Work In Progress

It's the mid week of June and we are still trying to finalize choice of contractors/IDs. Hopefully will be able to confirm one by end of June ! All these are tiring me out but definitely have to go through this process to setup our love-nest ! It's all gonna be worth it!


I learnt quite alot during this process. It's really never easy to setup a home / family on your own, now that I'm in it myself, I truly felt the strain in having to cope with alot of things. My hubbie is a very simple & practical man, where I'm more of a higher expectation, superficial & fussy wife. It's gonna be our home that we're going to live in and of course I expects quite alot how it's going to be and everything. Our initial stage was rough actually, with different opinions how we should maximize our budget, things that we SHOULD and NEED NOT revamp. To be frank, I wanted ALOT. But came to realise it's never gonna be easy if I stick on to my way of thinking - we both will definitely suffer down the road. I do envy those couples whose family sponsored them with a sum of money for renovation or furnishings, b'cos it WILL lighten the load tremendously!


NO.. We're not going to depend on anyone but ourselves. Ya to some may say "serve us right then" or "gek kiang" (act smart in hokkien) but this is our home, we SHOULD do what WE can. Maybe we are both such independent individuals, we'll not accept parents' help. "靠人不如靠自己“ Definitely this is the reason for the straining part. Since we decided on setting up our lovenest, this is going to be it.


Hubbie given me the space to be in charge of the renovation, playing within the budget. Haha, it's tough manz!

For me who initially wanted EVERYTHING to the now me who only am doing essential things. I learnt that "Look forward to things that you can do and not harp on those you can't"

No point straining our financial line down the years just because I wanted EVERYTHING. Most importantly is making this home a cosy place for both of us and yet not tied down with debts. It's all about $$$ after marriage and renovation, there's more to come.

HE has been real nice and compromising enough towards this issue. Leaving it to me to decide alot of things, knowing his simple is my average, my simple is his high standard thus I can never accept his simple. HE said he wanted his 5ft fish tank the day we bought the flat, NOW he has that on hold. I know I have to give way too, forgoing quite a few items that I know I can still live with it. Haha. Fair & square.

This process proved as a learning and motivational stage for us, and we're enjoying it.

It's always about the house every now and then. Ideas, concept, changes, layout, discussion...

Looking forward....

Realised I haven't been updating my blog since my hubby came back. Had been busy almost everyday since...
Attended his best friend's wedding the very next day, it was held at DragonGate Restaurant @ Habourfront. Finally got to wear my new Mango dress for the event, I love it so much because it can be worn simply as a sundress type or a simple, a-just-nice dress for dinner when you match it with nice stiletto heels. Literally only the gfs like us had our stomach to the fill .. haha. YES! (imagine only 4-5 people to eat 10 pax's share)


Took almost 3 days leave to be with my hubbie, it's really nice to have him back! It's been awhile that I haven't had someone teasing me, holding my hands, hugging me real tight. Of course not forgetting his nagging too! Haha
We went to JB for our short getaway the next weekend, stayed at Eden Garden (now known as Zon's Regency). My Redang's trip has been postponed as their available days clashed with hubbie's working schedule, so no choice changed our venue to JB for the time being. It's a very enjoyable, truly relaxing getaway! I guess it's really not about the surrounding but the companion you had. Enjoying the hot bubble bath everyday, the mouthwatering cheap seafood, vast stock of tibits we bought along almost every snacks shop we stopped by, 4 slices of cake (B'cos it's our 4 months anniversary - but it's like celebrating our 1st one) and bottles of red wines (it's really feels like heaven enjoying our red wine in the bath tub), body massage, manicure & pedicure! As what my hubbie says, that trip was purely meant for relaxation.


We treated our stomach to almost anything we saw. Bubble tea, seafood, Lok-Lok, kways, chocolates, Aunt's Anne's preztels..and so on. Made our specs at City Sq, I must really say my praises of Optical 88 for their excellent services! They're the best optical shop I ever been to! They are patient, helpful, attentive & most importantly professional!! I am very impressed with their attitude and service. Oh told my hubbie this is the cheapest specs I ever made, he was so amazed by my comment. Haha but it's true, this S$72 specs compared with my old S$200 one, errmm.. think better don't compare.


Hoping to go Redang soon.... but guess it seems pretty grey to be going this year. (But still keeping my fingers crossed)


- I'm glad u're back

Sweet May

Finally... all the waitings are being paid off.
01 day away in collecting my house key and it's officially our home.
03 days more, and my hubby is back!

So I should conclude this as my sweetest end May 2006. Esp with all those hiccups in house issues for the past 1 month, it's finally done and over with! Can't thank my house agent cum friend well enough, he has BEEN truly helpful; seriously don't think it's his duty to help me out on some misc stuffs but he really did it out of goodwill. I think I am really one fussy and diffcult client one could have dealt with, but guess he manage to handle me well. Given one more time, I really really do not wish to get involved in house matters anymore, not alone. It IS tiring to follow up on alot of issues and esp when I'm declared the P.A (Power of Attonery) of my hubbie. Just allow me to complain for once......... anyway i'll not have another of such up and coming! (Opps, I sure hope so) - IT IS TIRING and troublesome! Haha =)

The next upcoming battle to fight : Renovation

Renovation = ideas + conflicts + communication + quarrels + time + efforts + headaches + MONEY

03 more days! OMG... I wonder what will be our reaction the 1st thing we see each other?? Haha, it sure will be funny and "weird". Of cause happiness will be shown across our facial expression but I guess laughter will be thrown over from me too.

Can't wait to present the 2 surprises I've planned! Hubbie.... I'm damn looking forward to see you...it's been 4 months!! Oh boyz...

Missing u

No longer ....

SOON....
No longer need to being alone...
No longer sourcing for renovation quotations alone...
No longer discussing renovation ideas alone with I.Ds...
No longer be lonely weekends nights...
No longer will be feeling the emptiness in me...
No longer need to feel that sadness seeing couples hand in hand..
No longer need to be envious of other couples...
No longer will have to go through that 4 months of waiting.......

10 more days....

What exactly is wrg?

Nothing seems to be going right & smoothly for me these past 1 week!! Can someone please tell me what's going on??
Very tiny matters irritates me big time!! WHY?

Oh my...please take away my irritations & frustrations, someone please do so ?!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day! I don't even know what causes me to be so vexed. I only know I just finished opening up about 20+ of letters (i hate letters!), looked through & reconcile most of the credit cards statements, did my hubbie's HPS application online. Time isn't enough for me - or am I moving too fast n rush!

Who can bring some smiles on me?? I REALLY REALLY need that!
Realised I overspent this month... chiam!! I wonder why did I only started overspent this mth if I can control & overcome for the past few months. But the funny part - thought I did shopping, I don't feel happy still.

Going crazy soon...............................

Monday BLUESssSss !!

Can't believe how BLUE my monday was!!!
WTF
Morning : Supposedly to wake up at 7:30am this morning, but only manage to drag myself up ard 8:05am! I have to reach Tanjong Pagar at 9:00am sharp for my 3 days course; got on the cab at 8:25am, there's no way I can't reach my destination in 35mins! WELL.... I reached at 9:15am! It took me more than 30mins to get to T.Pagar from AMK, DARN! Total cab fare = $15.40 !! $11.40+$1+$3 (CBD SURCHARGE) !!!

Lunch : Decided to have it @ HANS which is located directly at SpringLeaf Tower itself; don't wish to go somewhere far anyway (I hate to have lunch alone!) Found 1 empty table for 6 in the open area, left my bag there to "chop" the seat so that I can proceed to order my sandwich. I ordered 2 slices of Ham & Egg toasted sandwich and 1 tea C kosong. F*cK it became Ham & Egg Mayo sandwich (i hate MAYO) just because I forgot abt the FRIED word!! Should be Ham & Fried Egg Toasted sandwich!! ARgghhhhhh no choice but to eat that UNWILLINGLY because it cost me $3.20! Cannot possibly ask me to re-order another new one; well I would do that in the past but not NOW. Finished my sandwich and I am still hungry (didn't have time for breakfast), so I went in to order my blueberry crumble pie, to enjoy it slowly with my 1/2 drank tea c-kosong. When I came back with my pie, only to realise the waitress cleared AWAY my tea!!!!

After course : Had to go all way down to Hougang to get my laptop back from Pei. Took the mrt from T.pagar to Outram and change to the NEL to HOugang! And BEST part there's no bus from the mrt, so I have to WALK! I was so damn tired alrdy...the thought of walking in SUCKS! It was about 7:45pm when I left her house to take bus 72 (I was determine to take public because I had alrdy wasted $$ on cab this morning, can't take cab AGAIN - waste $$) Walked all way out to the bus-stop (about 15mins walk) and I started to dig my bag...GUESS WHAT! I left my handphone at her place!!!!!! MEANING I got to walk back AGAIN to get my hp!!! FYI I was wearing a sweater today! With the laptop and 1000ml shower on my arms + my heavy bag weighing down on me, i walked back!!
I was totally dead-beat, sweating, and I took CAB home!!! I HATE MYSELF.......!! I HATE TODAY!!! TOTAL WASTE OF $$$$ AND TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some thoughts

We are confronted daily with problems. Instead of trying to avoid them, see them as opportunities for you to re-learn and re-think what you are doing. You do not have to re-invent the wheel but you can certainly improve on the quality of the wheel and make it more durable.

Make it a point every day to learn something new or do something different. Try to think of something that you have been doing regularly to see whether you can refine the process, perhaps shorten the time to do it of make it more efficient. Do not start thinking only when things go wrong. Be proactive, not retroactive. Being constantly on the lookout for how you can change things will make you more efficient and motivated.

"The world we have made as a result of the level of thinking we have done thus far creates problems we cannot solve at the same level of thinking at which we created them"

- quoted Albert Einstein

Absence of your dear ones

Ever wonder how it feels without your loved ones besides you?
Ever wonder how much you will miss that someone?
Ever wonder how long it really is to wait for that someone?
Ever wonder how slow time can crawl?
Ever wonder you might get sunken into something you thought you'll be able to overcome?

Ever wonder.... if all these never happen? Be'cos I wish

I finally completed the card booklet for him, hope he'll be surprised and like it. Guess it'll only reach him in another 1 week, so shall await for his call then. Well, it's just another 24 days more before he's FINALLY back! Excited, thrilled?? You bet so, but I also am having mixed feelings; slipping into depression. Perhaps as the number of days shorten, I am beginning to realise the number of months he has been away, the various things and matters he had miss out during these 3 months. Missing him is already an under-statement for description.

I had such huge confidence in myself that I can cope with these 4 months without much problem; besides we're just talking about months not years; so thought to myself what are these 4 months to me? "It's nothing" Guess I over-estimated myself. It wasn't easy at all; especially with flat issues unsettled, sourcing for good renovation quotations, some other ad-hoc issues. Perhaps it's tireness that dragging me down; Saggitarius - highly independent humans, like to take on responsibilities & duties theyselves.

He'd missed our past 3 months anniversary, it's ok. He will make it up to me for our upcoming 4th one! (He better do) Guess I'm just a typical depression lunatic; time of the year! Now my hubby must be wondering what had got into me at the other far end of the horizon.

Perseverance keeps you going

Pain

Pain
You got to bear with it and hope the wound heals
There're no foolishness, no easiness
You just breathe and go on with it
Most of the time you can't manage pain
Pain
You just have to fake through, cause the truth IS
You can't outrun it; it just adds on

from Grey's Anatomy

Monk's story

有一天，Monk A 和 Monk B 一同下山取水
就在河边遇见一位姑娘站着，Monk A 便问到：“姑娘，你怎么了？”
“我正要拿药赶回家，我娘病了。。但是我无法过这条河，你能背我过去吗？”
Monk A 想也没想便回答 “好” 就背起那位姑娘，用稳重快速的步伐过了河蚌。
Monk A 便继续和 Monk B 提了水，会山去了。
就在路途中，Monk B 问到“师兄，我们不是不能和 色，酒，烟 有关联吗？”
Monk A: “对啊”
Monk B: “那你为何要背那姑娘过河呢？”Monk A 并没有回答，继续他的步伐上路。
Monk B 又问了“师兄？？”
Monk A 这时回答了：“我已经放下了，为何你还抱着它呢？”

Denial

We deny facts we don't wish to accept
We deny almost at anything we can't come to terms with
We deny we are in denial
We deny so much that we can't even see the truth, right in front of our faces.

We always think it's ok, but sometimes it's ok to let go your emotions....

from Grey's Anatomy

Our Love Nest...to be

Yippee, I'm done and over with my 1st HDB appointment, NOW I'm one step closer in taking possession of our love-nest! Yes, I'm definitely looking forward to it; we've always been wanting to have a place of our own especially for the both of us who are much independent and yearn-freedom individuals. It's not going and never will be easy to take care of the whole house by yourself, i know but I'll try and will do my best. Wah, sounds more like an auntie-to-be, will I become one? I sure hope not =p

For now I'm declared a CPF bankruptcy, HDB wiped out all our CPF money, how cold-bloodied and realistic can they be? Come to think of it, I kinda feel the pinch there! Worked and slogged hard for the past 5-6years only to have it all wiped out clean in 1 day (how could I not feel the pain) for a long-term investment or should I say liability? Opps, well at least I'm not lying to myself it's an asset. Nah it's ok, at least I got something called my home and HEY I'm the lady owner of it! *grinning*

When will the male oener be coming back?? Sigh, doubt he'll be in time to be collecting our house key together, kinda feel that I'm solely buying the unit, not too bad huh. Exactly one (1) more month to go and I own my 1st property *whistle* Don't share my joy, come share my troubles; it'll be more and all about money shortly after that. Haha, anyone wanna sponsor me?? Fridge? TV console? Sofa? I mind nothing at all =) Heehee

Renovation; it's a tedious, tiring & costly process. But hopefully it'll be over without much hassles soon, my targeted plan is to shift in to our lovenest earliest end of September (should everything be smooth-going) and going to invite our close friends for bbq steamboat the 1st thing next!=) Sigh already pre-empted there're bound to have lots of argument arising during this period but guess we'll still enjoy the process to transform a not-so-nice unit with our ideas (how we would want our dream-home to be) to a place of our own to live in.... =)

I actually can forsee ourself sitting in the living room, cuddling on the sofa watching DVDs or soccer. Making breakfast every morning for my hubbie before heading off to work (it's one thing I hope I can do for him) =) But I guess most of the time he'll be stuck in our study-room - engrossed in his computer games! Hahaha

Thanks for everything............

Ever wonder how your boss/colleagues thought of you?

:: Outgoing Personality ::

You're always going out of the office

:: Great Presentation Skill ::

You're able to bullshit

:: Good Communication Skill ::

Spends lots of time on the phone

:: Work is 1st Priority ::

You're too ugly to get a date

:: Socially Active ::

You drinks & flirts around alot

:: Career Minded ::

You're a backstabber

Life .....

--------------------------------------

Life Is All About Choices;

So Think Before You Choose

--------------------------------------

There's no one like him....

Not that I don't wanna let you go,
Not that I bear to see you in pain.
Not that you treat us bad,
Why does it have to be you?
The geniune smiles on your face,
The humbleness I'v ever seen,
Words uttered with pure reasoning,
Why does it have to be you?
I remembered your attentiveness,
Not forgetting your love & care.
I remembered your strength & will-power,
Why does it have to be you?
You said "Do not worry",
Why were tears in your eyes?
You assured "I'll be fine",
I thought 'Grandpa never lied'?
Your decision to leave,
To release us from pain?
Never will I forget YOU:
The BEST grandpa I'v ever had!

"Grandpa, if only you are here, I'd present this personally to you

"Remembered & loved 4ever,

Grand-daughter, YEE

(Do not hesitate to express your love, your emotions to your grandparents;

now that they are still around. Do it b4 it's too late)

It was from my dear cousin written to my grandpa. Yee, grandpa will hear that! Yes he'll!

April 1st will be grandpa's 100 days death anniversary; 100 days - time really flies. My cousin will be back from Japan on 26th March too, she's been away for almost 3 months, and I can tell you she MISSES everything alot! Her families, niece & nephew, haha everything!! Hope she misses me too! Cya soon babe!!

世界不会因为你而停止旋转

I was thinking to myself over the weekends, am I slipping into depression?
I used to feel the depression during my times working at Infinity2/Ecoquest, it was such strong feeling.
Is it happening again? Everything seems to be so negative, boring, uninteresting to me, there's isn't something I want or can look forward to anymore. WHY?

I felt the change in me, i know.
Not physically (though I wish there is) but mentally within me.
Perhaps I began to realise and see things that I can't or should I say, choose not to observe before.

I always debated with him - 好心会有好报 but he'll fired back with - 好人先死. Why do I have such negative-minded bf, I thought. Tried proving to him over the years his theory is so wrong and he should correct himself, if not his life will be so pathetic & miserable, living in a life of his own. Guess what,I simply can't figure out anything to justify his "wrongful" life perspective, instead of justifying I find myself realising he's partially right afterall. Too many incidents happened over these years that made me realised such. Correct me if I'm wrong, who doesn't put him himself in top priority? I am not a saint, far from it, but I have always placed friends way above anything.

Call me naive, served me right, go ahead. I heard all. Who would ever placed friends above anything? There may be similar souls out there as me, *hi5* but definitely not making out the larger ratio. It was last year when everything seems to be falling apart one day, and I just wanted someone's shoulder to cry on. I have never even thought of who can I call at that moment knowing I won't have to - definitely "they" will be there. I mass sms'ed to a few bunch of people, thinking it would be great to have them by me in one group. I was alone that night.
It hurted badly.

I dare not ask for equal treatment but only hoped some of my closest friends whom I can forsake my time for them to do so too. Expectations kills - my favorite phrase since then. I have came to become so much more independent, but also more self-less, I guess'd.

Family - they are supposed to be my closest next-of-kins. But where's the connection? I managed to find that fading, low signal link last year but only on the verge in losing it again. I search my conscience on how I treated my brother, and I don't think we are even on par. I never rejected helping him to do anything/run errands/favours (of course unless it's really beyond my limit) am I just doing what a sister should be doing (shouldn't complain?) or am I just being soft-hearted and plain stupid (which I should blame myself for?) I guess it was the last straw for me on Monday night. 对别人好，就是对自己残酷


我看破了。。。 我累了。。

Something that got me thinking

当他还在你身边时，你会珍惜吗？你还会错过吗？

This phrase captured my attention while browsing through one of my colleague's blog. It made me thought of the situation my friend, E is facing. His story was quite a sad one, kinda like those which will only happen in those early days of chinese drama. Got to know E during poly days and he was a good, typical down to earth man that every girl would love to be with.. but ever heard before 男人不坏，nu人不爱 - it's just so true, well maybe to me, at least.

Anyway he's been through some major ups & downs in his 5 years relationship and my sincere admiration to him for being himself & able to stand up strong & determined * salutes* I would have fallen badly if I were in his shoes, and lost hope in all future relationships (perhaps that's why women are always more sentimental & emotional) He's into one relationship now, but it wasn't exactly something that's going pretty smoothly for him as well. They had a few loopholes here and there, now I'm beginning to ask myself regarding the phrase above, how true it is? Remembered the last meet-up session with Stan & P, we talked about meeting the right one. They felt abit pressurized seeing everyone around them settling down and wonders when they'll meet the ONE? But have they ever thought of this - What if that someone is already there, besides them? But they have never given that person chance to show their affection? What if that's really happening? Will they try?

Well, I do feel God had long assigned one partner to each & everyone, it's just about how we can/are going to reach that correct path. 当他还在你身边时，你会珍惜吗？你还会错过吗？ - my answer : we always take our loved ones, those people who cared for us, for granted sub-consciously. Because we know they are always there when we need them, they won't run away. But little do we know how bad and painful it's gonna be when they are out of your life. E used to debate within himself whether to give the relationship a last shot, but will there be a chance given for that last shot? - it will be a ?? Very ironically in life, when you have overcome your fear and determined to do something, you'll only come to realise that chance was gone, it had slipped away gradually...

:: Weekend without him ::

It's been a while since I went clubbing.. but definitely it's my first time to go after Sentosa's getaway. Haha. Can't believe we actually went for it! *Awesome* Started our weekend at Sentosa, when we reached Sunset Bay, E was already roasted-like! He looked just like *ABNN !! We used to tease him that he looked more of Indian than Chinese and he made it to the chart NOW. Of course not forgetting to compliment HX, she actually turned up at Sentosa but was like 2hrs late? Hey the catch is - she TURNED up *opps* (she's gonna strangle me when she read this) but who cares ;p - WOW

HX only get to sun bathe for an hour before the heavy downpour (retribution?) and we got stuck in the shelther for almost an hour before we can even head for showers! *argh* Reached home, only to find myself relaxing abit, waiting for P's call. I guessed everyone should be quite rush in getting out to dbl O, and I still have the time doll up myself abit and headed to the Ladies before I set off. Everyone reached almost 10pm, immediately started our rounds of 5-10, with jugs of Vodka Lime, Ribena, RedBull in front of us. Guess who won? Well the "cheats" killed us! So can't say that they won, because it wasn't at all a fair game, it was more of FUN than fair. Oh ya, my cute friend P was tipsy when I came back from rounds of dancing, and she looked so CUTE! Who else but my sicko brother gave her one glass of "Screwdriver" and there she goes.... she lost it, but not totally *applause* GANBANTE ! To hold your liquor fairly well is quite important to all ladies out there, not asking all to be drunkards but fairly well, at least. In that way, one won't be easily be taken advantage of! It's been awhile since i clubbed and it was also the 1st time had an heated up conversation with my sicko brother. Felt kinda disappointed in him and myself though but hope this won't affect our friendship in any way. Bro, u know I treasure you lor. Hey to those who went, let's go there someday agaiN! - Mr "Clown" jio'ed on next pay day! .... sHaLL wE??

N70! Finally, it's in my hands! Waited ages for this mobile phone! Haha, been looking out for good promotions before getting it, doesn't justify if I were to pay $800+ for a hp. Was flipping through NP and manage to catch a glimpse on the promotion, says "$200 off 2nd set of 3G phone", told Stan about the promo and he's interested too. Apparantly he has been eyeing on that hp for a long time too! *hi5* We headed down to j8 to check out the promotion, and it was really a GOOD deal manz. Hubby had asked me to keep a lookout for n70 and to grab it once there's a good promotion, but I decided to get 2 sets instead. One for him and one for myself. Well, he gotten himself Motorola V3 just before his OPS (I'm using it now ;p) but I know he will like n70 more, because of it's functions and it's almost a "everything in it" hp, definitely 95% better than V3 - 5% for V3's slimness. Gonna give him a surprise when he's back, yipee. Now I'm a little penniless-to-be gal, because never expected to come across that promo that soon, but it's ok, just have to cut down on my meals will do.

Can't wait for him to be back to "3G" with him, haha. Besides, who else can I 3G with? In anyway I didn't go for its 3G function, find it abit "inpractical" for now. Now I'm able to store lots of mp3s, set my personal ringing tones and flashes my camera that's 2.0 mega pixels! YIPEEE........

:: its 3 months 6 days more ::

Still hanging on, surviving well

Waited for weeks for my ROM's photos to be ready, and finally I got all soft copies back! Yippee. I missed him already and knowing those photos we took, will greatly help ease my madness! I LOVE all photos taken that night, am very pleased and satisfied with the end-products, thank you - OStudio! I was grimming all the while whenever I look at those lovely moments, it was simply unforgettable. No wonder it's called Once In A Lifetime - you'll not get that moment as and when you like/want it, it will never be that significant anymore, anywhere.

My hubby left me for 1 week 2 days, and well (sad to say) I'm surviving well, just that the degree of missing him increases tremendously as days passes by. Went to Sentosa on Sat with my bros' and P, just wanted to enjoy the sun bath and relax myself, since it was quite a period I visited Sentosa. Wow wee, I was kinda amazed with the changes over there, it was so much nicer, cleaner and tourist-like. Now the Blue Line will terminates at the beach terminal stop, Palawan Beach, Sunset Bay & Siloso Beach are all connected and accessible either by walking or internal shuttle train services. We took a walk down to Sunset Bay and slowly find our comfortable zone to settle down. It wasn't as crowded as it used to it, wonders is it because it's a Saturday or the different beach?

Nevertheless, it was very enjoyable with my bunch of crazy, insane, no-sensetica brothers! Left and went for dinner with my hubby's bros at Honji Jap, Robinson rd. Seeing them makes me thinks of hubbie more, because they always hang out together, but now its the same gang with the absence of one man. Guess what, we're going to Sentosa next sat too! GREAT! Intend to get P to join in the fun, hope she comes along =p It'll be fun! Sun-bathing again!

He called today, eyes turned watery when he said "Happy Valentine Day, dear" - Happy Valentine Day to you too, hubby!! Will be going F&Co for dinner with P, feels abit disappointed that he's not with me this Vday but I know I'll enjoy myself with P too, it'll still be the same, just without the holding hands and hugging part. We'll make the best out of it! To all lovers out there - HAPPY VALENTINE! SHOWER YOUR LOVED ONES WITH LOTS OF TLC, THEY DESERVE IT.

Now I truly understands this - Absence makes one's heart fonder.

Hubbie, come back soon!

He's been away for only 2 days but I started to miss him already... how to survive the rest of 3 months? Nah, I'll pull through! Can't believe I'm married, Mrs. Chia already. I quite enjoyed the status, perhaps it's a new chapter in my life. Still remembered the last night I slept over at his place, I weeped when he hugged me. Luckily he didn't realised because lights were off then, I can't help but feel the sadness that I won't be having such hugs, no one I can pour all nonsenses to for a freaking 4 long months!! OMG! I know my friends will still be there for me, go out with, but it'll still be different compared to him.

Went for his sending off on 4th Feb (Sat), promised him I'll not cry! Sigh ít didn't happen! I kept my cool till he went on board ship, my tears tickled down automatically. Oh boy, i am so useless! I misses you already! Come back soon, ok??

At least I can still look forward in collecting my ROM photos, something to think about while he's away. 010206 - it was a wonderful night! I felt pure happiness and joy that night, esp when he knelt down. Everything was perfect but there's still some disappointment in there. I kinda feel bad for the ratio of ang pows coverage, but hubbie ensured me it's ok, I was touched by his gesture, thank you for being the understanding one. Perhaps it's me, whom always think everything was wonderful & positive. He had always told me good man dies young, I'm starting to believe it. I'm tired of being the organizer, the initiator, the lead. Decided to stay out from now on.

I was quite surprised with the dressings of each individual that night, surprised on how simple some took my event and how some took with great respect. I appreciates, thank you. I don't blame anyone, anyway it's over. I can't expect everyone to follow my expectations (something I learnt), anyway the most important thing is I enjoyed every moment that night. Yes i DID.

Recently met up with XH, told her how I was touched by Zhixiong & Eu's care towards me that night, esp Xiong. He really LOOKed after me that night, helped me drink quite a no. of beers (because hubbie was already dead drunk). Through-out the whole event, I am surprised that they're actually the ones who had been helping without me asking them. THANK YOU. I owe you guys one! And thank you for being the mcees that night.

Hubby, you got yourself great buddies and they'll be mine too!

Missing you..........!!

:: Tying the knot ::

It's going to be the day I gonna swtich my status from Miss to Mrs. The day I'll be Mrs.Chia. OMG =)
Never had imagine all to be happening, at least not that soon. Still remembered how bad things turned out to be in Sept when we were planning for our ROM for Dec, countless no. of heated arguments, I was totally put off by the whole incident. We were both stubborn as a ox, wanted different things, shared different perspection of life, what can we achieve then? I believed - NONE. I had never experienced disappointment that many times but it may be due to such, I came to realise how important it is to compromise, give & take, understanding my partner. A relationship is never about I,myself and me, let alone marriage. After those disappointments I gotten, I've decided to drop the topic, never to bring it up or support it again!

"Shall we ROM in Feb'06?" stunned me for minutes not knowing how/what to react/reply. No doubt I'm glad that he popped out the question, but the big ? in me would be "Will it backfired again? Are you damn serious this time? Don't play around with this topic, it's not funny." I kept quiet.

I'm not sure this time, because he'll be sailing off to Iraq in Feb for a period of 4 months. Why would he want to ROM at this period of time? To make sure I'm tied down before he sails off? He's worried that things might go wrong during this period he's away? But I asked myself - "Why should I even doubt him?" Most importantly is FAITH, TRUST, COMMITMENT, RESPONSIBILTY. Are all these factors in us? I accepted, because I know I have all these in him and vice versa =)

Would it be double happiness? We confirmed our flat unit!! =) Wow, it's our 50+ units we viewed! I preferred the unit at Sembawang rather than this Yishun unit, but bf mentioned to me that he hopes he can get Yishun unit to be near to his parents, because he feels he has not done anything really nice to please his mum, that's the only thing he can do. Well, I must say it touched me. As long as it's our own home, I'm ok with such arrangements =) And my darling said we can do abit more renovation than what we originally discussed (a minimal renovation). Triple happiness!!

It's not easy to find someone that you feel you can be with, laid back with the rest of your life. I found him, and I'll cherish him. Now it's 6 days away from my solemnization, most of the preparation are done, only have to worry for the actual day. We wanted to lay low for this event but after discussion, we feel Customary dinner will only be for family & relatives in 2 year's time thus decided to hold it either by the pool or at Chevrons function room. Kinda regretted not having my solemnization in the hotel because the price we paid for is almost equivalent to hotels' rate! Well, it's for our close friends & buddies so we decided it's all worthwhile.

Currently busy for last preparation for the day. Collected my lilac ROM dress (got it from Empire), getting compatible top for my hubby-to-be, liaise with Shann about my custom-made ring pillow, getting a good photographer to capture those magical moments! and lots more.... Call me fussy/perfertionist, I like to do things on my own in case people fails my expectations =p

Can't wait to walk into the next chapter of life esp with my Jimmy Chia. These few months had been great, fulfilling, blissful! Thank You Mr Chia.

Never regretted my decision but will be missing you badly.

why do we felt the loss only when it's really gone?

Wow, realised how long I havent been updating my blog. It's really awhile. It has been a roller-coaster weeks/month to me, but it had enlighted me quite abit too. Perhaps that's what I really need. I have never expected to be that emotional towards my grandparents, or at least to death. Like my other cousins, they have been taken care by my grandpa before, thus I would think that I can still be able to withstand all emotions, but guess I'm wrong. Grandpa, I miss you.

I came back from Penang on 18 Dec, reaching bf's place only midnight. Was unpacking and packing up for work next day, when my mum called me. I knew my grandpa was hospitalized just before my trip, but I didn't have time to visit him then, and promised to visit him once I am back (if only I knew, I would be there). "Grandpa's blood pressure dropped tremendously.. better come fast". I will never forget that night - everything changed when I saw my grandpa in the hospital. From a once active, spontanous, cheeful grandpa, lies someone who's so fragile, haggard, it pains me so badly, that it did not take me seconds longer to tear. I whispered "Ah gong..." His BP had drop to a unbelievably 52 low (normal BP - 110), everyone was there at the hospital, worried. But he pulled through, my grandpa was a fighter (always will be), knew he will pulled it through. I was in and out hospital everyday, taking some urgent leave here and there, I just wanted to be there for grandpa, to be with him as long as I can. He had a couple of recurrances of low BP, but it was on 21st night he totally made us worried. I still remembered it was around 10pm we called out to him to feed him water but he was totally non-responsive, so we thought ah-gong's too tired so let him rest for awhile. Nothing is definitely wrong when we tried again in 1hr's time, nurse came in and took his BP and it went down again! This time his breathing interval was far too long....

We brought grandpa home the next day, for him to celebrate his 80th birthday. I'll never forget grandpa's expression of pain on his face, I felt the helplessness for him. 24th morning, everything turned bad, aunt poh woke us up and it was the last glance for us. We should had kept vigil throughout the night, ah gong why do you choose to leave us during our sleep?? But now Grandpa, you're freed from all and well to stand, do whatever things you want, I'm happy for you! Gonggong, need not worry about us or grandma, we'll take good care of her. I thought of you, did you hear our prayers last night? I hope ....

:: 24 Dec 2005, 1115am ::